Thursday, March 31, 2005

The return of the mack

The New York Press continued this week what has become my favorite annual newspaper ritual, The 50 Most Loathsome New Yorkers Issue. For those of you living in a cardboard box for the past 8 years or certain parts of Long Island the New York Press is known by most as the esteemed P Paper, available for free on most NYC street corners. Anyway, in the noble traditions of this blog established yesterday I have decided to present to my loyal readers the First Annual Blog J. Blogerson Top 4 People Who Piss Me Off (um) List. Away we go.

4. Terri Schaivo - Is it just me or is this gluttonous camera hogs 15 minutes up already? I mean I can't turn on the T.V for one second without seeing Terri's pleading eyes practically screaming FILM ME. Well Terri your prayers have been answered, your a superstar and an icon to millions. Now please leave T.V. to the real stars like Justin Guarini.

3. Tsunami Victims - Wah wah wah I lost my house, wah wah wah - my boat was capsized, wah wah wah - I have no legs. Listen people, we all have problems, you don't see me complaining about the dwindling job market or 6 weeks of Lost repeats. It is clear to any rational minded person that God created the Tsunami as punishment for Gay Marriage so I think we all have to live with it and get on with our lives.

2. Curt Schilling - Listen up God boy I don't care how much Final Fantasy you play online your a douchbag hired gun with a bloody sock, no more. Nothing pisses me off more than stupid ass multi millionaire baseball players giving thanks to Allah for helping him pitch into the seventh. Ugh.

1. Laura Bush - Is there anything more hysterical in recent politics then George W. tapping Laura Bush to head an anti- Gang initiative? What the fuck is she going to do? Redecorate their living rooms? I guess she learned a lot of Scared Straight techniques when she was a librarian in Crawford, Texas. I have a feeling Laura might have watched the Green Mile one too many times and decided that most gang members are just big black medicine men with hearts of gold.

And there you have it the most schizophrenic Top 4 list ever. Be sure to check back next week for more time wasting nonsense.

Honorable Mention: Midhat "pocket 10s" Serbagi - You were 43% to win the hand you stupid bastard!

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

First Post

Well here we be. I have decided to start this blog because I have absolutely nothing better to do. And I don't mean that in the way that everyone else does when they say that. Because in reality I have something better to do and that is anything. Anyway a few ground rules for the two of you reading this. This blog is not a diary, anyone who calls this a diary will be banished. Furthermore, the only scorn that will be tolerated on this website will be directed towards either nice people or sweet people. For example an adorable lotus flower like George W. Bush is fair game. While a mindless troll hussy like Mother Teresa is off limits. Confused? So am I, but then again I'm doing this from rehab, by which I mean Murray Hill. God, I am so awesome. This blog will be ostensibly about pop culture but secretely more about funny shit that happens to me. Well thats the plan anyway. In reality I doubt I have the stamina to post as much as I would like. Actually forget it, this is the last post ever. Good Night